you know what, i just got to blog this out. i dont really understand why im feeling this way, but honestly, its bugging me and i need some answers. or maybe im being crappy the whole day today, my paranoia mood is starting.i fell in love , i have no idea why but i personally feel, love is the most awesomest feeling ever especially when u know there is someone out there who loves you and wants your attention. i love it. i like it so much when i know someone likes me. the best feeling would be to think you've found the one. and for me, to know my eyecandy is returning back my love. my love is awesome, i can say that, i love him for spending time with me all the time, for him to always be there during dance and giving me support. encouraging me to be brave and never give up on myself. to always be confident. although its hard, but im trying my best. im facing lots of shits lately, too many shits that i really cant take it or even try to face it but with him by my side, i finally did.
however, i feel sad cos i think my family doesnt like him. but actually they said they dont mind. but its just different on how he's been treated. im not expecting any miracles but i think they gotto back off a little bit and should give me space aand at least make the effort to get to know him first. but, i think they are better now. (: for my friends, we've been on rocky terms but hell, in the end it doesnt even matter, they're still my cliques, i wont rush them to meet love, but one day, i think they should try to meet him. cos i know deep down, he wanna get to know my friends.

love, i know youre reading this, but i dont know when, but just wanna tell you that i love you. its true that i may not move on , u know that feeling. its hard for me. but im making the effort to forget him. we've been in love for too long, you get what i mean. love, i miss those times when we had late night calls. talk for hours, listening to each other talking craps and laugh till morning. im sad that now, its no more. and nothing to talk about is so not us. i miss those times where you would give me random messages . i miss being held like a gf. i miss being pampered. i know its uncomfortable for you. but its just hard. im so used to it, but im willing to try to stop it. that is why im always quiet just now. i was unsure. i remembered just now, i even froze for a moment when i "whine", cos i remembered you dont like it. then i quickly cover up. its just hard. & i remembered you said we need to at least have some barriers as in, we need to stop each other from doing something and not just let them be, i mean i may not care you have many girlfriends, and i dont care when fans come and go gugugaga or hugging you and all, but as your gf, i undstand that a fan need to be treated that way, cos personally, me being your "fan" once, i would love that, but i hope with your other gfs, do have some barriers. its not that i hate it, i just feel uncomfortable. its hard.i dont know y im typing this. im just mad. i dont know with what, not at you . but its just this feeling. i cant explain. its hard, i guess i still dont know you yet. and you dont either. but lets just give it another shot. im willing to change. im willing to work this relationship out for the better. i want us together. it may not be hard or it may be hard but noone said its gonna be easy. i hope ure with me. im sorry if anyone is offended in any way, its just that ive been keeping too many things. im not myself lately. i swear i need my time alone. haiz, i sigh too much. i may not be that good either, but just help me in this. i need a friend, noone was there, you were there and i thank you for that. a bf, is like a dad to me, i dont really need another dad, but i love the attention i could get from you like i gcould get from my dad .

im shagged. i hate myself for typing this. im sorry for bullshitting.